Discover Your Unique Strengths and Embrace Your Inner Superpowers

When clients come to my office for the first time, they usually arrive with a mental list of all the problems in their lives – the issues that pushed them to reach out to me for help. “I have social anxiety,” “I am scared to talk to people I would like to date,” or “I have a terrible problem with procrastination.”

They think that the way to get better in therapy is to lean into everything that is wrong with them or wrong in their lives. I get it. If everything were great in their lives, they would not be seeing a therapist. But the problem with this “problem focus” is that it is not fair to them. It doesn’t give clients credit for what is working in their lives, what they do well and what comes easily.

As a therapist, of course I want to hear about my clients’ struggles. But I also want to hear about their strengths. Because if all we do is notice what is wrong, then we are gathering skewed data because we are ignoring the positives. Can you imagine spending a whole therapy session discussing all the negative details about your social anxiety? As a client, I would leave a session like that feeling a lot worse about myself.

So, just as I do with my clients, I invite YOU to consider how often you focus on your strengths. Are you being fair to yourself in what you notice? Are you giving yourself proper credit for your skills, positive qualities, and accomplishments? If you are like most people, focusing on the positive probably doesn’t come easily (and there is some science behind this: it’s called negativity bias).  

I want to help you change this negativity bias in relationship to yourself. Why? For one, because we should give credit where credit is due. But also, because your strengths are the building blocks of you. To know them is to know yourself better. To know them, is to know and appreciate what you bring to the world.

And don’t hold yourself back from this shift because you are worried about becoming boastful or arrogant. Remember, we are only focusing on the facts of you, not making things up. Allow the good of you to be acknowledged by you. To practice this, try these exercises:

·       Take an inventory of your strengths and abilities. Notice the areas where you have historically excelled. Perhaps you are good at science or writing. Or maybe you have artistic abilities or mechanical skills. Often, we have strengths and abilities in areas that also interest us. So, look at your hobbies and interests to uncover information about your strengths. And, if you are really struggling to make a strengths list, consider what others who know you well say about you.

·       Take an inventory of your superpowers. These are your strengths on steroids: arenas in which you excel easily and are exceptional. Often people downplay their superpowers because they have had them for so long that they haven’t noticed them. I have a superpower of sensing what others are feeling (a good superpower for a therapist!), but I never noticed it as a gift until I was an adult. I have a client who has a superpower with animals: she puts even the most anxious and fearful animals at ease in a matter of moments. Superpowers can also be smaller scale, like a gift with organization or a gift with using humor to put people at ease. Try to name at least two superpowers you have.

·       Make a list of your positive personal characteristics. These are things like: “I am kind,” “I am honest,” “I am thoughtful,” or “I am fair to others.” Maybe others have observed these things about you. Or maybe you just know these things to be true about you.

Revel in these good truths about yourself. They are the building blocks of you! To know them is to love them. And to love them is to love yourself a little bit more.