Break Free from Comparison Thinking

At least one of the roads to hell is paved with comparison thinking. When we fall into the trap of comparing our lives to others’, we usually end up feeling insecure, self-doubting and generally bad about our lives. This hellish suffering can lead to all kinds of negative spirals and shame.

I want to help you abandon the toxic habit of comparison thinking, so that you can free yourself to see the good in your life path.  

The first thing that I want you know is that it’s not apples to apples. In other words, comparing your life, and the intimate knowledge you have of your own struggles, to the highlight reel of someone else’s life is not fair to you. Know that everyone faces challenges, whether you can see those challenges or not. Challenges are part of the human experience. So, never think that you are the only one who struggles or has setbacks.

The second thing I want you to know is that no one’s life will ever look exactly like yours (nor yours like theirs!). You are a unique, unreplicable human. While you may share many traits with others, you are one-of-a-kind, truly, with your own ways of feeling, thinking, being, responding, creating, and sensing. So, instead of spending your time comparing your life progress to others (or worse, trying to be like others), use that energy instead to discover your path, born out of your uniqueness. And then focus on having faith in that path.

Finally, and this is important, don’t cancel out faith in yourself because you have experienced setbacks. Everyone experiences setbacks. Again, this is part of being human. So, as you practice believing in yourself, understand that just because some things in your life have not worked out as you hoped, that doesn’t mean anything about your value. Setbacks are part of how growth happens!

As you work to stop comparison thinking, keep these tips in mind:

• Become aware of when you have fallen into the comparison trap. Notice the distinct, felt qualities of when you are feeling comparison shame. How do you feel in your body? Are there familiar negative thoughts? Recognizing when you are triggered is the first step to being able to help yourself.

• Be a good steward of your mental health. Discover what activates “comparison thinking” and the accompanying shame in you and minimize your exposure. For many, social media scrolling can be a trigger; discover your specific triggers.

• Practice self-compassion. When you recognize why you have struggled (there is always a reason), you can offer yourself understanding and compassion, and move out of self-blame and shame. Offer yourself the same kindness that you would a loved one. Self-compassion is a balm for the pain of shame.