Many young adults (and older adults!) agonize over life decisions. This struggle is most often the result of not knowing how to make the best decisions. In this post, I will teach you how to use your emotions and responses to chart a satisfying life path.
The most common mistake in decision making is looking externally for guidance. Most young adults, new to decision-making, poll people in their lives and make decisions based on others’ opinions. They lean into their parents’ advice or follow paths that their friends are following. The obvious problem with this approach is that it often leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Here’s the truth: you are the best source of information for making life decisions. While gathering external information about your decisions is important, how that information interfaces with you is the basis for the best decisions.
For example, if you are thinking about moving to a new city, you would gather information about cost-of-living, neighborhoods, and social and professional opportunities. Once you have gathered this “external” information, then you need to gather “data points” from inside of you. Here is a sample of data points you might collect from inside of you:
· What does it feel like inside of you when you imagine being in that city?
· What did it feel like when you visited? How did the neighborhood feel to you?
· What does it feel like when you think about your social scene in that city? Your professional path?
Most people usually feel some combination of excitement and fear in reaction to these questions. Track your ratios of fear, excitement – and other emotions – over time, looking for trends in the data. Are you regularly feeling more afraid than excited about moving? Or are you noticing a majority feeling of excitement over time?
Look for decisions that are at least 70-60% excitement and no more than 40-30% fear. If you regularly feel more than 40% fear, then that decision may not be the best for you and you might consider other options.
As you practice this process, keep these tips in mind:
Trust your emotional responses. Many of my clients doubt their reactions (“Am I really feeling that?”). I urge you to trust your internal experience, as it is the best barometer available to you.
Regularly practice self-awareness so that you can understand how you are responding to your experiences. For example, how do you feel after spending time in your new job? If you are generally energized, then you may say yes to similar work opportunities. If you are drained, then you may decline these experiences.
Avoid decisions when you are in a reactive or dysregulated state. Usually, the best decisions are made when we are feeling balanced and stable. When our emotional intensity is high, we can say, do or decide things that we later regret. Wait for reactive emotions to die down before making decisions.
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