Decision making can be challenging at any age, but for young adults the “what ifs” related to making a choice can cause fearful thinking, ruminations, and even paralysis. If you can relate to this struggle, then you also know this: the more stuck you feel, the worse you feel about yourself.
So, first things first. Let’s break down why you, as a young adult, might struggle with making decisions:
More than any other time of life, young adults have SO many decisions to make. In fact, as a twentysomething it can feel like all you do is make big decisions, often in a very short time frame, which can be both overwhelming and exhausting. Where to live? What career path to take? What kinds of friends do you want to make? How do you manage your schedule?
You are essentially creating an adult life outside the structure of high school and family. This new life takes shape based on your decisions, and these decisions are informed by your wants, preferences, and goals. What is so challenging about this time is that you are forging an adult life path while simultaneously discovering who you are as an adult.
You are new to adult-life decision making. One of the reasons choices can be more difficult in the early years of adulthood is because you don’t have a history of experience with adulthood. For example, when you are older, you might have learned that you do best with no more than one roommate. But at 18 or 20 years old, you don’t necessarily know these things. The learning process is one of trial and error.
You may be used to your parents influencing your big life choices. For many young adults, their parents have taken the lead in their decision making. If this was – or is – true for you, then you understand the fear that can arise when you initially step into the decision-making seat. You have so little practice, so the sense of responsibility can feel paralyzing.
You have little or no experience with so much freedom in your life. Often my 18- or 19-year-old clients tell me that high school provided so much structure that they rarely had to make choices. When they come to college, they are overwhelmed by the freedom and can struggle to structure their new lives (which requires a lot of decision making!).
Given all these factors, it makes SO much sense that you, a young adult, can feel overwhelmed by decision making. You are making more decisions than at any other time of your life, with the least amount of experience doing so, all the while you are trying to learn who you are as an adult.
So, please, please, give yourself a break. Please let go of any shame for not always knowing what to do or ANY struggles in this arena. It takes time to learn about yourself and to learn how to make the best decisions for yourself.
Next time, we will learn more about decision making "mistakes."
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